Post by terryjuliefan on Jul 31, 2021 11:07:05 GMT
HEARTLESS HIGH
EPISODE ONE
SCENE ONE: HARTLEY HIGH CLASSROOM
(The class has just started. DRAZIC, RYAN, ANITA, MELANIE, KATERINA, CHARLIE, BARRY, OX and the other senior students are goosing around in their seats when Principal LES BAILEY walks into the room.)
BAILEY: Right, settle down, settle down! Enough of that, Drazic!
DRAZIC: What? You don’t like my raspberries?!
(DRAZIC blows another raspberry.)
MELANIE: Oh you’re so immature, Bogdan.
DRAZIC: Rack off.
MELANIE: No, you rack off.
DRAZIC: Rack off.
BAILEY: Everybody quiet!!! Can I have your attention please?! OK. We have a new teacher starting today. She’s new to the area and we’re all going to make her feel welcome, because if I hear anything to the contrary you’ll be serving Saturday detention with me. Picking up papers on the beach! Now here she is, Miss Agatha Trunchbull, former Principal of Crunchem Hall Elementary School. We might want to give her a big hand.
(AGATHA TRUNCHBULL walks in.)
AGATHA TRUNCHBULL: No, thank you, Les, that won’t be necessary. I can take over from here. Class, take out your textbooks and turn to page 394.
BAILEY: Good luck, Miss Trunchbull.
(AGATHA just smirks as BAILEY leaves the room, closing the door.)
MELANIE: Miss, but we’re not supposed to start work on nocturnal beasts for weeks?
TRUNCHBULL: Quiet! That is the first time you have spoken out of turn with me, Miss… what is your name?
MELANIE: Melanie, Melanie Black.
TRUNCHBULL: …Miss Black. Do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all? Turn to page 394.
KATERINA: I beg your pardon? Don’t talk to my friend like that. I don’t know who you think you are.
(TRUNCHBULL picks up one of the spare seats and brings it smashing down onto KATERINA’S DESK. She shrinks back in terror as TRUNCHBULL calmly resumes the class.)
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, we’ll have no more of that. You can read the first chapter.
DRAZIC: What a psycho…
TRUNCHBULL: Who spoke? It was you. Stand up your disruptive little scab. Ah you must be Bogdan. Yes, Mr. Bailey warned me all about you.
DRAZIC: And my name is not Bogdan.
KATERINA: Oh my God, Drazic. Just sit down.
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, listen to the girl on your right. I won’t have any of this namby-pamby wishy-washy nonsense. Anybody who speaks out of turn in my class is going to be punished by being forced to write lines for three hours. And think yourself lucky that I haven’t gotten violent, meaning I haven’t picked you up by the scruff of the neck and tossed you straight out the open window. You disgusting little urchins! Ferrets, the lot of you! You’re like a blistering wart on a hippopotamus’s backside. My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children or teenagers at all. You’ve all been exterminated with bug spray. You’ve all been swatted and stomped on and squished in the back of the yard. You’re all wriggling and wiggling around before you finally mercifully expire. And I can hear the sound of my own voice ringing through the empty rooms which smell as fresh as a Maccas on a Saturday night.
RYAN: Excuse me? Could I please go to the bathroom?
TRUNCHBULL: Is it urgent? It doesn’t look desperate to me. You wouldn’t be trying to pull the wool over my eyes now would you? It’s an old and very stale routine. Sneak out of the room, go and tell the headmaster, he takes your word for it and I get the kick. Well, it’s not going to happen, what’s your name?
RYAN: It’s Ryan Scheppers, miss.
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, Schweppes. Don’t even try it.
RYAN: I really need to go for a Number 1, Miss Trunchbull.
TRUNCHBULL: Quite frankly, I don’t care if you piss your pants at this point. Oh hurry up. I can’t be bothered with you little scum. You give me a thumping toothache.
BARRY: You give me a thumping toothache.
TRUNCHBULL: Right, that’s fucking it.
CHARLIE: Oh my God, she swore.
TRUNCHBULL: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. You!!!!
(TRUNCHBULL grabs one of the windows and forces it open. TRUNCHBULL then picks up BARRY and throws him straight out the window. Everyone gasps. They watch in horror as TRUNCHBULL grabs Barry’s things and promptly throws them out of the window after him.)
OX: Was that really necessary, Miss Trunchbull?
KATERINA: Oh my God. You people are daft.
OX: Actually, I just want to finish my fucking HSC so I can go and get a job.
(TRUNCHBULL just explodes and throws the whole DESK out the window. Only it misses and shatters the window next to it in the process. LES BAILEY starts pounding on the door.)
BAILEY: What the devil is going on in here?
TRUNCHBULL: We are performing a new interpretation of “Titus Andronicus”, William Shakespeare’s most violent play. I’ve got control of this, Les.
BAILEY: Oh all right.
(BAILEY just leaves, shaking his head.)
ANITA: What the fuck…?
(CREDITS)
EPISODE ONE
SCENE ONE: HARTLEY HIGH CLASSROOM
(The class has just started. DRAZIC, RYAN, ANITA, MELANIE, KATERINA, CHARLIE, BARRY, OX and the other senior students are goosing around in their seats when Principal LES BAILEY walks into the room.)
BAILEY: Right, settle down, settle down! Enough of that, Drazic!
DRAZIC: What? You don’t like my raspberries?!
(DRAZIC blows another raspberry.)
MELANIE: Oh you’re so immature, Bogdan.
DRAZIC: Rack off.
MELANIE: No, you rack off.
DRAZIC: Rack off.
BAILEY: Everybody quiet!!! Can I have your attention please?! OK. We have a new teacher starting today. She’s new to the area and we’re all going to make her feel welcome, because if I hear anything to the contrary you’ll be serving Saturday detention with me. Picking up papers on the beach! Now here she is, Miss Agatha Trunchbull, former Principal of Crunchem Hall Elementary School. We might want to give her a big hand.
(AGATHA TRUNCHBULL walks in.)
AGATHA TRUNCHBULL: No, thank you, Les, that won’t be necessary. I can take over from here. Class, take out your textbooks and turn to page 394.
BAILEY: Good luck, Miss Trunchbull.
(AGATHA just smirks as BAILEY leaves the room, closing the door.)
MELANIE: Miss, but we’re not supposed to start work on nocturnal beasts for weeks?
TRUNCHBULL: Quiet! That is the first time you have spoken out of turn with me, Miss… what is your name?
MELANIE: Melanie, Melanie Black.
TRUNCHBULL: …Miss Black. Do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all? Turn to page 394.
KATERINA: I beg your pardon? Don’t talk to my friend like that. I don’t know who you think you are.
(TRUNCHBULL picks up one of the spare seats and brings it smashing down onto KATERINA’S DESK. She shrinks back in terror as TRUNCHBULL calmly resumes the class.)
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, we’ll have no more of that. You can read the first chapter.
DRAZIC: What a psycho…
TRUNCHBULL: Who spoke? It was you. Stand up your disruptive little scab. Ah you must be Bogdan. Yes, Mr. Bailey warned me all about you.
DRAZIC: And my name is not Bogdan.
KATERINA: Oh my God, Drazic. Just sit down.
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, listen to the girl on your right. I won’t have any of this namby-pamby wishy-washy nonsense. Anybody who speaks out of turn in my class is going to be punished by being forced to write lines for three hours. And think yourself lucky that I haven’t gotten violent, meaning I haven’t picked you up by the scruff of the neck and tossed you straight out the open window. You disgusting little urchins! Ferrets, the lot of you! You’re like a blistering wart on a hippopotamus’s backside. My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children or teenagers at all. You’ve all been exterminated with bug spray. You’ve all been swatted and stomped on and squished in the back of the yard. You’re all wriggling and wiggling around before you finally mercifully expire. And I can hear the sound of my own voice ringing through the empty rooms which smell as fresh as a Maccas on a Saturday night.
RYAN: Excuse me? Could I please go to the bathroom?
TRUNCHBULL: Is it urgent? It doesn’t look desperate to me. You wouldn’t be trying to pull the wool over my eyes now would you? It’s an old and very stale routine. Sneak out of the room, go and tell the headmaster, he takes your word for it and I get the kick. Well, it’s not going to happen, what’s your name?
RYAN: It’s Ryan Scheppers, miss.
TRUNCHBULL: Yes, Schweppes. Don’t even try it.
RYAN: I really need to go for a Number 1, Miss Trunchbull.
TRUNCHBULL: Quite frankly, I don’t care if you piss your pants at this point. Oh hurry up. I can’t be bothered with you little scum. You give me a thumping toothache.
BARRY: You give me a thumping toothache.
TRUNCHBULL: Right, that’s fucking it.
CHARLIE: Oh my God, she swore.
TRUNCHBULL: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. You!!!!
(TRUNCHBULL grabs one of the windows and forces it open. TRUNCHBULL then picks up BARRY and throws him straight out the window. Everyone gasps. They watch in horror as TRUNCHBULL grabs Barry’s things and promptly throws them out of the window after him.)
OX: Was that really necessary, Miss Trunchbull?
KATERINA: Oh my God. You people are daft.
OX: Actually, I just want to finish my fucking HSC so I can go and get a job.
(TRUNCHBULL just explodes and throws the whole DESK out the window. Only it misses and shatters the window next to it in the process. LES BAILEY starts pounding on the door.)
BAILEY: What the devil is going on in here?
TRUNCHBULL: We are performing a new interpretation of “Titus Andronicus”, William Shakespeare’s most violent play. I’ve got control of this, Les.
BAILEY: Oh all right.
(BAILEY just leaves, shaking his head.)
ANITA: What the fuck…?
(CREDITS)